29 May 2007

Thanks to bobbleheads and morons

Nora Roberts bobbleheads! Seriously, this is so awesome. I wanna be cool enough that I get to be a bobblehead. I remember when everyone had an Nsync one.

I'd say, "Oh, I could get one of those." But really? Not so much. Spending 200 for two nights stay at Dragon*Con this year does not money make. Oh, well. Less driving time for me. Woohoo. And I got a king sized bed. Go me! Lots of room for myself. *grins* And WiFi, so I can take my mom's computer. Hopefully to do schoolwork, since I'm working my ass off on getting there by fall.

Reminds me, when I get the doll, I need to make a Vala doll.

Also, vigilante groups never do well, people. Seriously, if you're in one? Buy a clue. You just come across as stupider than dog shit, and half as alluring. All you do is mess up the investigations of real people. Yeah, WFI, I'm looking at your dumb asses. Really, really dumb asses. Like, I know amoebas with high brain function. Way to tip off the real pedophiles. Aren't y'all just so cute and smart? Like a beheaded ant.


Ninja Kitty: The Guard Dog

Ninja Kitty loves to sleep at my feet. Why, the world may never know, but she usually gets up when my godmom does, since godmom is the window opener, and we know how high up that is on the list compared to a warm bed. However this morning Ninja decided to get close and curl up tight. The same cat that doesn't let me out of her sight, or gives me kisses just for being there. I must walk her legs off when I go from my room to mama's. She might attack me for walking by her funny, but she loves her mama.

Or she could just want treats for existing. Probably that.


28 May 2007

Little Girl Blue

Okay, I have my LJ and I love it, but sometimes I just need to let a little bit more out. Things I don't want the masses to know, maybe. Or heck, it could be a fear of something. Who the hell knows how my mind works. I surely don't.

I hadn't planned on writing anything over here, since really, I don't have a lot of to share, but I think I kinda do. More like I just wish I had something of my own. My own house, my own life, my own job, my own critters (okay, besides Ninja Kitty - aka Noelle, Jack the hamster, and CC the gerbil). I just need my own place to exist. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, and a freeloader. I know I should be doing better, but I'm so lost as to what. I don't want to be anything major, like a therapist or an artist. I'd be happy being a librarian (secret wish, actually), or a writer. I would love to make a living writing, but I don't have the follow thorough. I have all these amazing ideas and stories, but I can't quite get them on paper. So that's kinda a pointless goal. I love books, though. I get lost in them in ways I can't explain. And that's okay. I love that about them. I have to go through my book shelf a couple times a year to free up space. I have mostly romance and sci-fi/fantasy because that's what I enjoy. But I know that I can't afford, or should be spending time reading. I should be out looking for a job, but my skill set is pretty limited to the only thing I can't do. Due to my medicine, I have very real limitations. I can't be out in the heat for long, or get oversweaty, or stand on my feet for hours at a time. The thing is, that I'm pulled towards blue collar, on your feet eight hours a day type jobs.

I...have no idea where I'm going with this. I guess, I've just felt claustrophobic this week. I was snapping at my godmom earlier, and that's nottoo unusual, except I didn't know why. Maybe because in my mind, I know at 25, I should be hella more along on my path. I have these goals and I keep missing the deadlines, and I'm really feeling like a failure. I don't like that feeling, because I don't think I am. But I sure can't help it. I want to be further along. I did fill out my FAFSA form, so hopefully I can get help and go back to school. For what, I have no idea, but I need to go back and get in the routine. I feel like I should redeem all the time I've wasted. I've been out of high school for 7 years, and I'm in the same place I was right after. That's...deplorable. I've had resources, time, opportunity, and I've wasted it. Can't keep doing that. I know better than that.

I guess I should end now, because I'm babbling without a cohesive thought. Hell, I should probably delete it but I think I need to track my progress, or regression. Whichever it may be.