07 August 2007

Kerthunk!

Now I was talking to someone about the LJ/6A debacle and I mentioned beating someone with my godmom's cornbread pan. Now, this thing is like 100+ years, considering she's in her 70s and it was her grandma's. Threatening to beat someone with the cornbread pan is based on a real story, though.

You see, my godmom's mom (my other godmom), Nona, wasn't too keen on her lecherous brother-in-law. He was a drunk and bum. He kept his wife pregnant (they ended up with 12 or 13 kids) during the time too. Nona's sister was his wife, so she put up with the scum, but wasn't happy about it. He would make comments about how much better Nona thought she was compared to them. Never mind that Nona and her husband worked full-time, took care of her parents (who watched their kid), and their child in the 30s and pre-war 40s, and their bathroom was still on the back porch so they weren't too high up. The Lech's girls got my godmom's hand-me-downs, and he was upset about that. Needless to say, he wasn't a winner.

Though according to him, he won WWI all by his lonesome, and then the aliens took him into space and played 'spot the organ' with an anal probe. So take that for what you will.

So, he and his family were over visiting the grandparents. It was breakfast time, and Nona had to cook the meal. She had something like 9 extra people to cook for. While she's preparing it, old Lech comes over, and being a never sober fool, decides he wants a piece of his sister-in-law. Nona's not so thrilled with the concept. After he groped her, she reached around on the stove and grabbed the skillet of eggs, knocking him out cold and leaving the eggs on the floor. That skillet had been on the range for awhile, and remember this wasn't a modern day oven. So it was a pretty hot pan.

Nona's hubby comes in from keeping the guests happy after hearing the ka-thunk to find the scene. By that time, Lech has woken up slightly, a bit groggy. He's moaning, and Nona's ready to hit him again. This is a woman that hates violence to boot. She says he's never to come into the house again, and he does, she'll hit him. Her truck driving husband backs her up and Lech leaves. And never comes back.

This is why pissing off a generally nice Southern woman is a very, very bad idea.

Labels:

7 Comments:

Blogger Misty Dawn said...

Ahahahahaha - LOVE this story - you had me cracking up laughing out loud!

9:52 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

And to make it even funnier, imagine a 5'3, 120 lb woman beating up the man. It's an awesome mental image, isn't it?

1:18 PM  
Blogger Augs Casa said...

mental note, Buyt all the pans away where women are around!

2:28 PM  
Blogger Augs Casa said...

yeah and if I could type I'd be awesome! I meant "PUT" al lthe pans away

2:28 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

Well, to be fair, a tea kettle could work just as well. *evil grin*

Or, my personal pet theory. Kill them, and then take a short trip to the Everglades or the bayou. Gators are awesome for getting rid of evidence.

12:43 AM  
Anonymous Vanessa said...

*snicker* My mother once threw the cast iron skillet at my father's head. Unfortunately, he ducked and it put a large hole in the wall about 2 inches from the huge picture window.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

*laugh* Well, at least it didn't break the window. He'd be on the couch even longer then. ;) What did he do to warrant that? That takes mad talent.

7:53 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home