21 April 2006

Scooby Doo, where are you?...Over here!

Wow, I haven't really posted here because of LJ (what? that nifty client they have is so much easier), but yeah, I've also been...contemplating. I know! Me thinking is a scary, scary thought. Believe me, I'm as scared as the rest of the world. Basically, I've decided my mom (yes, yes the biological one) is so jealous of me she can't see straight. Well, that's not a totally new concept since I figured that out a really really long time ago. Can't say I wasn't a bright kid. Anyway, it's more of a perspective of an adult female as opposed to a kid. And wow, it's just as kick in the gut as it was at sixteen. It's horrible to realize your mama has no desire to see her child succeed.

Ah, I bet you're a bit confused if you're reading this. Okay, so I had another blackout and had an accident (fuck, and I need to call to find out how much the citation is going to be). I being the bright girl didn't tell the cops about the black out. Instead, I made an appointment with the doctor (well a new doc, and durn, can't the people make a cheaper office visit...126-331 for the office visit ALONE). Okay, so that's a plus. But we as a family decided it would be wiser that I not drive by myself until things get straightened out. Sometimes my family is quite bright, I must admit. That meant however that I couldn't get myself to work. So, my mom and stepdad were going to have to drive me. Now, here's the kicker. I was forced to quit because driving me to work wasn't "worth my time" (her words, not mine!) to let me keep my job for a bit until I could get a reference (I had been working there for nine months, for pity's sake!). Isn't that nice of a mom? I think it does scare her that I was succeeding, though. She never wants me to raise above my mistakes. If I stay in them, then I'm down with her. Makes me feel all gooey inside. Really. Can't you tell? So I have no income and I'm attempting to get on Medicaid. Hey, if anyone needs it, a diabetic without insurance a job sure as shooting does!

And then, oh man, the 4/20 episode of Dr Phil was so much like my life. Seriously. I have stepmother that could make Cruella's toes curl. She's hit me (twice), thrown me out of the house (or forced me give my dad ultimatium, you know who won that bit... three times), called my mom an alcoholic in my therapy sessions (but mama clocked the bitch instead at a bar), and turned my dad against me. Literally, if I hadn't landed in the hospital, I wouldn't have a relationship with my father now. I mean, this woman is toxic personified. She smirks all the time, like she's some villian, talks down to me, has my dad convinced that his non-smoking, non-felon, virginal, barely-drinking daughter is worthless. She's just mad because I can see through her. It's not very hard, she's as transparent as glass. Okay, here's a comparision. If anyone saw Shannon's stepmom on Lost, that would so be Johnnie in a rich setting. Or you know, The Ant, in the Undead series, with less likability. And this woman drives a bus. Those poor kids. There's nothing worse than a woman coming in and...just taking control of a family. It's a *blended* family, not a new one. You have to compromise, and so many people don't. My stepdad and I might buttheads, a lot...but we get along pretty well. Because we both realize that we're people and opinions might differ but no one has the right to say the expressed comments are stupid, like my stepmom does. Major differences, there.

And it's always great fun to get a call that says if you don't pay back such and such amount, you'll be considered a felon. Niiice. And even better when it's TWO days after you're forced to quit your job. Wonderful timing there. Luckily my godmom offered to pay the 1800 debt and I'll pay her back, when you know, I get a job. But I really didn't need to hear that right after. Oy, worried me to death. *sigh*

So, the mama situation kinda made me starting thinking about what I want out of life. I want my psychology degree (I'm working! I'll get there when I'm 40, I'm sure) and I want to be happy. I want a book published, just one. So I can say, "Hey! Look! I accomplished a goal! Go me!" That's what I want. And yeah, but that's enough about me. Well, not really since this whole place is about me. Anyway...moving on.

So, I read Dead and Loving It by MJD, and wow. Thank you so much for making me laugh. Which of course I emailed you about...again (I'm sorry, I really don't stalk people, honestly!). I just needed that over the week or so I've had. I also read the first Sookie Stackhouse book (read a short story one of those anthologies, I think...can't remember) and after about midway through, I enjoyed it. I'm usually not the vampire kind, but you never know. Lets see...what else? Books are my escape and trying out new (or old favorites) really are treats. Where else can you discover new worlds, of indentifying with new characters, of wanting to know these people? Lovely places, books.

And now I leave this post alone and go write some more of a short story that's been churning in my brain. Nothing like a Southern princess type eating a Waffle House with man trying to impress. *grins* So much fun, that.



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